so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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