i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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