I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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