Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
