We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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