Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
