I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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