He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
