you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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