we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
