u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
