you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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