Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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