awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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