My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
