just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
