Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
