bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was born a porn star she said
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
