Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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