i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
