That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
