i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
