My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
