you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
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