youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
