Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
