you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
