clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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