I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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