I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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