Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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