My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
