his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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