I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
