maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
