ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude i'm inner monologue high
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Randomize
