yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
