The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
