i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
