remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
