Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish there were birth control emojis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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