I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
