i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
