i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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