i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
