and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
