I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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