I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
