my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
