this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
